Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Makayla's Updates

Makayla Update 10/20/2012:

There's not a lot to update about Makayla today. Yesterday, they tried taking her breathing tube out. For 3 hours, she labored to breath. The doctors decided it wasn't good for her to labor so much, and would be detrimental to her improvement, so they put the tube back in. Many factors played into her struggle; the pneumoni
a, her vocal cords and throat was swollen from the tube, and she has had a machine breathing for her for almost 3 weeks. For Jeannette and I, it was a setback. And a discouraging one at that. I know several thoughts have crossed my mind in the last 36 hours. I'm pretty sure much of the same have crossed her mind.

Today, she has pretty much rested. They took her off some meds they had her on to prepare her for extubation. She was more awake and alert. One nurse even recognized how Makayla recognized my mom at one point. It is quite the feeling when you see and know that she recognizes you. She is still not moving much with purpose, or in response to you telling her to do something. She has a lot of spontaneous movement though, which is good at this point. I do know that whenever she is awake and I am holding her hand, she squeezes it constantly; sometimes quite hard! LOL I prefer to think of that as purposeful and in recognition of me and not just spontaneous.

They may try to extubate her again on Monday or Tuesday of this coming week. Lord willing, she'll be able to breathe stronger on her own and the other factors will be improved. While it is discouraging, we also know that it is in the Lord's timing. He knows when it will be best to remove the tube. We are just praying that they don't try again until that time.

The hardest part for me right now is that I will likely be leaving this next week to go home. As much as I want to stay here until she is all better, we do have 3 kids at home who very much need mom and dad as well. They have done awesome through all of this. And we are blessed to have such wonderful family, friends and church family who have taken care of them and been there for them during this time. But I really feel it is time I head home for a little while.

I cannot express how difficult this is. Not only do I have to leave Makayla, but I have to leave Jeannette here by herself. Not that she can't handle it. I firmly know and believe she can; she is an incredibly strong woman who continually blows my mind! But it is still hard. I have found myself fretting and worrying a bit more over the last couple of days. But the thing that is constantly running through my hear and mind is that same verse, "Be still and know that I am God."

It is so incredibly difficult to be still; to be quiet, cease from striving, to let go and put your hands down. Worry, questions, and fears are constantly bombarding us. Even more so now as I prepare to leave. I was always intrigued by the wording of a verse in Hebrews chapter 4. In verse 11, it says, "Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest..." Now let me say right off the bat, this has NOTHING to do with one's salvation. But there is a rest we have in Christ. A rest that consists of the peace of God which passeth all understanding. Yet, we have to labour to enter into that rest. We have to labor to be still.

When I read this passage, I often think of Martha and Mary. Martha was cumbered with much service. She was like many of us; running around incessantly, always doing something, never taking a moment to "stop and smell the roses." Then there is Mary; quietly sitting at the feet of Jesus. What did Martha miss by all her service and fussing? Could she have missed a tremendous blessing because she refused to be still?

Jeannette and I may not be cumbered with service exactly. We are cumbered with cares, worries, and fears. Yes, we try to give them to the Lord every moment of every day. Yes, we try to be still. But what blessings could we miss by not being still? What is the Lord trying to tell us that we can't hear because we are not still? When Elijah was fearing for his life, he was placed in a hard place and all he heard was the still small voice of God. How often do we miss this still small voice because we refuse to be still?

Many of you understand how difficult it is to let go and be still. You have been through difficulties and trials that have bogged your heart and mind down with fears and worries. Yet, if we are not careful to be, and remain still, we might miss what the Lord is doing. If we're too busy, we may not hear His voice; we may not feel His touch; we may not see Him and how He is working in and through us. Lord, help us to be still and know that you are God! Calm our hearts and minds. Enable us through the Holy Spirit to let go of whatever it is and put our hands down. Give us the peace of God to cease from striving.

Makayla Update 10/17/2012
Tonight was a pretty neat night in some ways. I got to spend a lot of time with Makayla awake for most of the night. I'm not sure why, but she just wouldn't go to sleep. One of the neat things is that she actually was looking at me! I could tell she wasn't just staring blankly, like she had been, but was engaged and focused on my eyes. She wasn't quite able to move her eyes to follow me. She did a few times; but for the most part wasn't able to. But not only could she see me, but I could definitely tell she recognized me. For me, and I'm sure Jeannette feels the same way, that is awesome!

I am standing in awe of what the Lord is doing in and through Makayla! Earlier yesterday, she was supposed to have surgery to repair and stabilize her fractured pelvis. The surgeon did some tests before the surgery and found she did not need the surgery! The Lord had healed her to the point her pelvis was completely stable!

(I forgot to post this on Caring Bridge, but the doctors are going to take and the breathing tube and see how she does breathing completely on her own. All night, she has been on the absolute lowest amount of support the ventilator can give. She has done great, and is ready for the tube to come out. Please pray that she continues to breath on her own and that they don't have to put the tube back in!)

Not only was she able to see and recognize me tonight, but she was quite the wiggle worm. She moved both her arms and both of her legs; small movements, but movement nonetheless! In fact, at one point, she picked up her left arm about 6 inches above the pillow it was resting on, and moved it from her side to her belly. It was almost like she was trying to reach out to me as I sat next to her right side holding her right hand. Then, several times, I would be holding her hand, and tell her I needed to let go to do something. Seemingly in response, she would squeeze my hand tighter. It was as if she didn't want me to leave her side for any reason. It is so awesome to see the Lord healing her day-by-day! And there is no feeling like your daughter being able to recognize you and squeeze your hand!

Maybe it's just my imagination, but it really seemed to me that she didn't want me to leave her side. I spent most of the night right next to her, holding her hand. It was as if she longed for me to be there next to her. What is amazing, is how much she is teaching me about my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Her seeming to want me never to leave her side during the night made me think about if that's the way I feel about the Lord. Do I long for the Lord to be always near? Do I desire His constant presence each and every moment of each and every day?

Now, the Lord never leaves my side. He said He will never leave me nor forsake me. If there is at any time distance between me and the Lord, it is not Him that moved away. But, I have to wonder, why do I allow myself to move away? David wrote in Psalm 42:1-2a: As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. 2 My soul thirsteth for God, for the living God:

Do I thirst after the living God? Is my desire that there is never any distance between me and Him? I never left Makayla's room; I may have a couple of times, sat across the room for a little while. But that wasn't enough for her. She wanted me to be right next to her. And that is more than fine with me! Is that, though, how I feel about God? It shouldn't be enough to just know that He is near. Jesus said that we are to abide in him; not near him. James 4:8 says, "Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you."

Will I continue to draw nigh to Him? I know that I have never been closer to Him than I have through this trial. But what happens when the trial is over? Will I continue to draw nigh to Him and depend on Him like never before? Will I want Him always, right by my side, all the time? I pray that I will; and that I will never allow any distance between my Saviour and I.

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